Cognitive dissonance

, or more particularly, the rationalization one does to oneself in order to reduce dissonance, is a pervasive and insidious mental bugbear. A good recent example is SC Gov Sanford reconciling the dissonance between his Christian belief that adultery is a sin (and that sinners should not be held in esteem) and his ambition / pride in being a political leader, with the comparison of himself to some biblical leader (was it Abraham, or David or ??) who is mandated to keep office despite his faults. Not all examples are so hilarious or obvious, but you should still search your own mind for instances of dissonance. I do so, but the problem is sometimes not recognizing that dissonance exists but rather determining which conclusions are genuine and which are mere rationalization.



When I was a grad student I was committed to finishing my PhD. I follow the credo of "finish what you started" and I was having a good life at the time, so there is no dissonance there, but I helped maintain my enthusiasm for math with the idea of being a career academic. Indeed, in my last year I applied for positions to continue my math career at top level post-doc/assnt prof. jobs. Was this job search the result of rebellion against the dissonance of having spent 6 years on a career path that I didn't really want to continue down for the long term? Having failed to land my dream job, and by now having had a bit of space and time to reflect on matter, I realize math was a worthwhile project, but ultimately not something I have enough passion for to do for the rest of my life. .. or is that conclusion just the result of the dissonance between my belief that I can do anything I really want yet did not get one of those top jobs?



That may remain an unsolved question, but I am fairly certain of the following: While I don't want to be a career English teacher in Korea, part of the reason I took this job was to reflect on such issues. Luckily, it's also a great place to live, and I think it would only continue to get better as I become more integrated into the culture, so I have no prejudice against coming back for another short term contract. But the job is not really challenging enough, and I can't convince myself that it is a noble or worthwhile enough endeavor to devote a significant portion of my life towards.

I struggled with different ways to express myself here, so I'll just state the plain facts for now: I've decided that to be happy a man needs to get something done, and to get something done a man needs a big picture, long term goal to devote himself to. There are several candidates for the next major worldwide crisis, I guess everyone who has the luxury of relative wealth and talent should pick one and devote himself to some long term preventative strategy. So I decided to work in the solar energy industry.

I have a decent background in materials science to start on this path, but might need additional training before I can find the position that's right for me. I've been searching for jobs to no avail these last couple months. If these trends continue after I return to America, there is a good chance my future plans will look like this - couple months jaunting around usa / SE asia; another semester teaching english in Korea; a year getting another degree at the European School of Solar Engineering in Sweden starting next August.